'You really have to apologize, Grace.' The Voice whispered to my heart and I groaned audibly.
I've always believed there are some hard sides to walking in the Spirit and one of them is the unconditional obedience one needs to practice in accordance to the will of God.
When the going is good and your sweetest desires are in line with God's will, the walk is pleasurable. The bone of contention however comes up, when you have to lay down your pride and ambitions to be the christian the Holy Spirit desires you to be.
'Grace, he's coming, you should apologize.' The firm whisper came again, even as I sighted Felix, coming down the hall.
Well, you're wondering what could be so hard that my Senior Partner and I have to tussle over, aren't you?
Here it is.
Getting to work this morning, I worked in to find a mess of paperwork a teammate of mine had left unattended since the day before, one he should have completed since midweek, and I had to clean up after him, considering we have to give reports today, Friday, being the end of the week.
It was so annoying that after everyone had worked hard through the week and had finished their quota, this guy had just lazed around. However, that was not the worst part, that was after all who we've always know him to be.
The height was that he waltzed in just before the supervisor came in, and commandeered the report. I was so mad, alongside every other person on the team, but I, more so, because I was the one who had to clean up after his mess.
So, I treated his mess up! I dropped info about the report that might have gone unnoticed without harm to anyone, but I was sure Felix wouldn't be able to defend if asked about.
I wasn't disappointed, as fate would have it, the supervisor's questions riveted on the hints I dropped, and the guy inadvertently floundered.
I just wanted to teach him a lesson he couldn't miss. I deserved to and he deserved it, or so I thought.
The Holy Spirit had other ideas though, and as He does always, He made me see how I had glorified self and satisfied my vengeful tendencies. I agreed, but now he wants me to apologize!
Apologize!
No way on earth! He deserved to be humbled, and my teammates and I deserved to be recognized for our work, right?!
That argument wasn't working though. This apparently wasn't about my teammates and I, rather it was about getting back at Felix and embarrassing him, and it was simply not the Christ-way. It was all "self".
Now, I had to apologize.
I couldn't imagine how this would go. Would Felix smirk and gloat at my apology? That was defeating my original purpose in the first place.
'Your purpose was after the lust of your heart in the first place and if it's defeated, it does you more good than harm.' The Spirit of God replied and I wanted to cry. This wasn't fair, it wasn't at all!
I couldn't help imagining another scenario. Would Felix simply ignore me and embarrass me like I did him? That would wound my pride and dignity. I wasn't taking that. He was at fault, not me.
'Your total identity is your identity as a Christian. If your pride stands in the way of being all God wants you to be, then it's not supposed to be there in the first place. If obeying God robs you of that pride, then good riddance!' The Holy Spirit sure does drive a hard bargain.
I knew I could only choose one of two options at this junction.
It was either I apologized, sacrificing my pride on the altar of obedience to God, and retain my peace and sweet walk with God;
Or I flung the Spirit's instructions in his face and grieve Him!
Far from me that I settle for the latter, God had been faithful in helping me come this far in my intimacy with the Spirit, and I wasn't going to let the pride of life stand in the way, but this realization didn't make obedience any easier.
So with a defeated slump, I asked,
'Dear Spirit of God, how easy do you think this is?'
Then, He replied,
'Dear Grace, it's as easy as I make my grace available. My grace is sufficient for you.'
At that point, an involuntary smile stretched my lips, and a chuckle followed, as I felt the tension of the situation ebb away, suddenly I could let go of my pride and as Felix sauntered closer, I wondered why I felt retaining my pride was so important before.
'Hi, Mr Felix.' I quipped as he almost passed by me, he stopped on his tracks and turned back.
'Hi, Miss Grace.' He replied.
Well, here goes nothing. I was thinking of squaring my shoulders but I dropped the bravado act for wringing my fingers. I wanted him to know I was being genuine.
'I'm sorry about earlier. That was nasty of me.' I said, avoiding his gaze.
A smile!
Wow! Was that really a smile?!
'Well, I owe you an apology, and an appreciation. When I walked in to see you and the other guys ready, I knew I needed to take the lead to save face. That was the only way I could make sure Oga does not ask questions I couldn't answer. It was unfair and irresponsible of me.
'In fact, I only just found that you were the one who cleaned up after me. I should have said "thank you", but I felt you were still mad at my actions and was planning on a better time to do that.'
My jaw dropped, but inside me, I was just laughing, as I asked the Holy Spirit,
'Really? Is this for real?!'
I could imagine him simply shaking His head with a smile dancing on His lips as He replied,
'You should know better by now, that you can't see beyond your nose. Just obey!'
Then Felix said,
'Grace, I'm sorry and thank you.'
I knew he was being very honest, because usually, we dropped the honorifics when we wanted to have frank talk.
'It's okay. I apologize too.' I replied as we exchanged smiles and sealed our reconciliation with a playful handshake.
As I walked away from the scene, I couldn't help but shake my head as I wondered what I would have lost all in the name of retaining my foolish and ungodly pride.
I also realised that there really is no height we can't get to in our walk with God, when we take hold on His grace and determine to simply obey His every instruction, come what may.
******************
And He said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee; for my strength is made perfect in weakness.
2 Corinthians 12:9a.
Ever wondered how Apostle Paul, a man who just flesh and blood as we are, managed to get to the height he did in his walk with God?
Well, I'm convinced a day by day confession and belief in the aforementioned verse, was one of the ways!
Hello, beautiful people of God! Excuse my manners.
His_grace_is_sufficient_for_you.
Just_obey
©Spirit_Pen
God will help us and continue to make His grace available and sufficient for us all.
ReplyDeleteAmen!
DeleteThanks.
I know of Your Grace LORD, help me to obey.
ReplyDeleteAmen, Lord.
DeleteHmmm...
ReplyDeleteIf we faint in the days of adversities, our strength is small...
And you our Father promised that;
Your grace is sufficient for us and your strength is made perfect in our weakness.
Father, let this be our reality to be strengthened with might in our daily lives in Jesus name. Amen
A big Amen here!
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