Why are You Running?

(Written by Joy A. Adewumi)

'Wow, Tinu! You write so well! You're especially good at it, you think it might be a ministry?' I asked my friend as I read her latest article on her blog while I visited.

She really is amazing! She has a way with words that has you glued to your screen till you're done reading whatever she writes.

She has a huge readership too which convinces me of the fact that I'm not the only one with the opinion that she's a 'wow writer'.

'Oh! I'm sure it's a ministry.' Tinu replied with a light chuckle, then turned towards me as her tone got decidedly lighter.

'What I'm not sure of is if I'm doing it right.'

Is this babe kidding me?!

I mean, she writes great, and teaches good lessons too. A huge readership also attests to this! Isn't that all that matters?

So I voiced out my wonder.

'Babe, you've got to be kidding me! What could you possibly be doing wrong?'

With a shrug, Tinu crossed and uncrossed her legs on the bed and replied,

'I know the fact that I write godly stuff and have a huge readership might seem like all that matters, but I still feel so unfulfilled and empty.'

What is this girl saying bayii?

'Okay, take you for a case study.' She said.

'When last did you read my article and do anything beyond say 'Wow! This girl is good!'

Do my articles move you to pray?

Do they make you want to improve on yourself?

Be a better christian?

Do more for God?'

Tinu asked, and I had to take a moment to think. She wasn't done though, it was like I opened a dam of self-reflection.

'I get mails and DM's talking about how amazing my write-ups are! How entertaining they are. How I have a way with words.

'Nothing like 'Wow! This was timely. God used you to meet my need!'

Like, 'T-girl, I was so blessed, and was moved to pray!'

I don't ever get stuff like that!

'I know how this sounds, it's not like I want the world or I'm being dissatisfied, but I'm not an entertainer or a lifestyle blogger.
That blog was created by the inspiration of the Holyghost.

It was meant to be a cyberspace where the Spirit of God operates on every visitor. It was supposed to be my contribution to the Kingdom of God, but I know deep within me that even though I write spiritual things, people's spirits are not reached.

'Take you for example. You've not been able to answer my question. Why's that?'

Tinu was right, but I'd rather she made her own inference from my silence than break her heart further.

Then, I wondered why her writings though intended to touch people's spiritual beings were not doing that.

It appeared she was wondering the exact same thing and has probably being on it for sometime now, because she spoke again and said,

'At first, I thought I wasn't praying enough, but even my prayers feel kind of restricted, you know, I feel like it's not going beyond the roof.

'At other times, I feel like I know why, but somehow, I can't just place my finger on it!
However, I wish it would come to me now, because I really want to make it right.'

I didn't know what to say, honestly I didn't even understand the feeling! So I just kept quiet as we both stared at the ceiling above us.

It baffled me though, how everything could seem alright to a bystander but the person involved feels deep in her heart that everything is off.

It reminded me of the guy from earlier in my Bible reading, Ahimaaz.

Ahimaaz apparently in my opinion either just loved running or was just so eager to appear before the King, so much that he was willing to run, who knows how many miles to the King without a message.

He so ran that he even overtook the actual messenger with the message. It wasn't his race to run. Joab probably had reasons to refuse his offer to run the errand, but he ran anyway.

So, as I read this morning, I couldn't help but wonder what were the thoughts of people as he sped by:

'Wow! He must be so zealous!'

'Wow! He runs well!'

'Wow! He must be carrying quite the message!'

Even the king was so sure he had a message as he ran approaching. But alas! He had none!

Then something clicked in my head and I shared the story with Tinu as lightly as I could and as simply as it came to my mind.

She went quiet for what seemed like eons, and I was scared I had offended her. She however was my friend of almost a decade and I believed she would tell me if I hurt her.

'I think I know.'

Tinu said at last in a whisper, so quiet that if we weren't both quiet, I would have missed it.

'What do you know?' I asked.

'Starting out, I felt God was leading me to the teenagers, but it didn't make much sense. I didn't have lots of teen friends, I have only few teens in my life personally, though I love getting together with them and living their life in their shoes. Helping them navigate their paths and I did so with the very few I could come in contact with.

'Yet, I felt like I didn't know enough to base a writing ministry on that path. Or maybe that was what I told myself.

'Anyway, I had more of my age group as friends and contacts, and my articles on love and relationship always got the highest number of reactions. Besides the genre of literary arts that I enjoyed was what I wrote, because it was what I knew.

'Looking back now, I found it hard to requests inspiration from the Holyghost but I settled into writing what I knew, and I guess since it was what I loved, I never ran out of ideas!

'Now, I realise, I might not have known much about what God wanted me to write and my blog might not have grown so fast and viral as it did within such short time, but taking the path God was leading me to would have been a walk of faith and obedience, and most rewarding.

'Trusting God for article after article.

Trusting Him to publicise Himself despite my limited reach. It would also have been worth the whole world because numerous teens would have known more of God.'

As I listened to my friend, I couldn't help but wonder how we tend to say we are God's husbandmen, but can't trust God to take us through whatever path He'd have us walk.

How scared we get of the future when we walk by sight, forgetting that the just shall live by faith.

I however realised that if Tinu was feeling so aware of this lately, it could mean a second chance to really do what she has been called to do, and I told her as much.

'Tinu, it's never too late. I do not believe in coincidences, so I'm convinced that between your recent dissatisfaction and this conversation, God is telling you to come back to your original assignment.

'Of course, it's probably hard to start over again, but remember what happened the last time you were scared of 'hard'.

'You can start over and do this right. You can start making those contributions you've been called to make.

You can start making your Creator happy with you, all by saying it to God and He'll take it from there.'

'Thank you, Abigail.'

Tinu replied and I knew it was time to take my leave and leave this girl to her God.

********************

Hmmmnnn...

Believe me, this is exactly how I feel after that story.

Ahimaaz ran! Oh! How he ran! Unfortunately, his running was to no avail, because he got to the king with no message and the king SET HIM ASIDE, for the actual messenger despite the fact that the latter came behind.

I can't help but wonder if maybe something would have later come up and Joab would have sent Ahimaaz on an errand of his own, where his running would have mattered, but he just wanted to run, at that time for no reason and even took permission.

He justifiably asked first to run that errand, but for whatever reason, Joab wouldn't let him do it, and sent Cushi in his place, but for some reason, our beloved brother was bent and he ran in vain!