Can You Marry You?!

Can You Marry You?!
(A short story written by Joy A. Adewumi)

'I can't marry a woman who does not know her way around the kitchen! The kind that will serve toast and egg for breakfast, indomie for lunch and then order pizza for dinner. May God not let us well-meaning brothers fall into the hands of ladies like that.' Dare said as he and some of the other guys in the room laughed loudly.

I hated it to no end whenever this old drama starts at the family house!

Dare started it, now some girl, maybe one of the more outspoken ones would take over and then we'll have the whole cycle all over again!

I can't marry so-so kind of lady.

Oh please! Spare me. Who do you think wants to put up with so-so kind of man either?!

However before any lady in the room could say Jack Robinson, another guy hijacked the conversation.

'Exactly o, my brother! Or those ones that cannot do laundry except they see washing machine, or dishes until you get them dishwasher. They won't want to deal with the heavy duties, yet they will be shouting gender equality up and down!'

I rolled my eyes at what I felt was the sheer childishness of it all, then Gifted, a very petite lady, with a tiny voice, someone I didn't even expect took over.

'I don't get it, what's wrong with you guys, what's the big deal with wanting a washing machine before I do laundry. What has that got to do with the quality of our marriage or the lady's virtue?'

I wished I had something to say to quiet the whole palava, but nothing was forthcoming. I was getting exasperated as I knew things could only go downhill from here.

And I was right.

'Baby G, just leave them o. It wouldn't even pain me so much if the gender shouting "I can't marry this, I can't marry that" are actually worth much.'

Desire, whom I actually feared getting into the conversation finally spoke up, using Gifted's pet name. She wasn't done though.

'Well, if we are playing the old game then, there's more than enough tricks up my sleeve!

'I can't marry someone who thinks a woman's place is only in the kitchen and "za oza room" either. A man that can't wash up a baby to help his woman or  save his life, or is some egoistic controlling-'

'It af do, it af do, it af do!' That was Papa, cutting into Desire's hot and bothersome retort, just before I made to stand up and walk out of the room.

I hoped this was something good. I really hoped that somehow between the last time this drama aired and now, Papa had gotten some inspiration as to how to finally put this old argument to rest.

'You guys know that naming ceremony I went for last two weekends?'

Everyone looked from one person to the other, wondering what that had got to do with anything, but then Mama replied and said,

'Hmmn, we do, what about it?'

'Well, it was for the first baby of one of my older colleagues back in school. He's based here in IB.

'You know, we were catching up on life as it has been with one another when something came up. I've always thought this guy was one lucky dude! He really did end up with one of the most amazing ladies I've ever met. She's a rising executive in one of the top insurance companies in the city and she still rocks at home!

'So, I asked my friend how he had it so perfect. How did he end up with a lady who slays at her career and is still wife material infinity yards?

'My G laughed and said,
"Dude! It's all falsehood! It's not simply about looking for wife material or husband material, or even the number of yards, it's more about you yourself being good material"!'

At this point, Papa had everyone's attention, and knowing this, he continued.

'My friend asked me a question that evening, that I believe all single persons should ask themselves before bringing out infinity list of what kind of woman or man they want to marry. Some of us even go as far as laying that list before God in prayer, which is not bad, but before that,

'Can you marry you?'

'Hmmm, word!' Jerry, one of the more reserved guys exclaimed and a few of us laughed but I knew everyone was digesting that question and its implication.

Can I marry me?

I couldn't help but wonder too, before Papa's words cut into my thoughts, as he continued.

'It's a question you can only truthfully answer when you carefully and honestly weigh yourself in the balance!

'From your temperament, to your compulsions, your general attitude, character, habits, reactions to basic issues, life philosophies, attitude with money, level of emotional intelligence, pursuit of your life goals, fashion sense, spiritual maturity and understanding, prayer life and devotion to God, refinement and polishing; if they were to come in the package of your future spouse, will you be attracted? Will you go ahead- joyfully and satisfied- with such marriage?

'Once again, can you marry you?'

'Besides fam, you know in the big picture, it goes beyond even marriage. It extends to every other relationship in our lives. We expect so much of others when we ourselves are less than par!

'So while you are praying about the kind of husband or wife you want, remember he or she is also praying about the same, and God is never partial.

'He will never give an unprepared, half-baked man or woman to any of His dear children, who have taken it upon themselves to let God mould them into 'good materials'.

'He will never do that!

'So, on this note,' Papa said as he scooted forward on the plastic chair he sat, with a goofy smile on his face to temper the seriousness of the mood in the room,

'I believe I speak everyone's mind when I say, whoever starts this argument next time, had better make sure he or she is done refining himself or herself.'

There were a few chuckles and jokes about the issue, but I couldn't help the deep sigh that worked itself up my lungs, as I zoned out of the conversation around me.

Really, if we desire something good, we ought to be worth something too.

God will never hand over any precious child of His to just anybody, who thinks it all about asking.

After all, it's the same God that said,

'Ask and it shall be given', that also said,  

'Give not that which is holy unto the dogs, neither cast ye your pearls before swine, lest they trample them under their feet, and turn again and rend you.'

So, henceforth as we pray for good wife/husband material, let's remember to ask God to mould us into good materials too.

The End.

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Give not that which is holy unto the dogs, neither cast ye your pearls before swine, lest they trample them under their feet, and turn again and rend you.

Matthew 7:6